Glance and Glamour in the Disco Lights
by Reija Linn
Summary: Harry has a confession to make, and in the process finds out how Sirius and Remus came together during their time at Hogwarts... pure fluff with a little teen angst.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Glance And Glamour In The Disco Lights  
Author: Reija Linn (T'Reija)  
Email/Feedback: theganan@gmx.de or thiari@theganan.de  
Archive: Azkaban's Lair, ff-net. Others please ask beforehand and leave the full header intact.  
Originally posted: SBRL list  
  
Pairing: Sirius/Remus, Harry/?, minor Sirius/m  
Rating: [PG-13]  
Summary: Harry has a confession to make, and in the process finds out how Sirius and Remus came together during their time at Hogwarts... pure fluff with a little teen angst.  
Spoilers: Haven't read the books? Do so. Right away. Do not eat, sleep or pause until you're finished. Then come back.  
Warnings: male/male sexuality and/or relationship(s) featured within. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Simple really, though seemingly not simple enough for some dim witted clots out there.  
  
Legal disclaimer: I never have, nor ever will, owned the rights to the setting of the Harry Potter books or the characters featured within. The use of said settings and characters by me is for non-commercial purposes only and does not mean to infringe upon the given legal rights that belong to Ms. J.K.Rowling and those she has associated them with.  
  
Notes: This takes place before Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts.  
  
  
GLANCE AND GLAMOUR IN THE DISCO LIGHTS  
By T'Reija (June 2002)  
  
Prologue  
  
It was easy, telling Sirius.  
  
He and his lover had been discreet, a pseudo second bedroom, coming down to breakfast separately and all, but honestly, you could see simply from the way they looked at each other...  
  
I'm okay with it, really. I love Sirius, my Godfather, who has done so much for me in the short time we've known each other, who has taken me away from the Dursleys for which I will be eternally grateful; Sirius, who acts as though he loves me like a son. Maybe he does. And there couldn't be a better Uncle than Remus Lupin, my ex- and soon-again-to-be Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, even if he *does* turn into a wolf once a month during the full moon. So I'm glad they're happy with each other - happy again, as Sirius explained to me.  
  
Apparently, they had been lovers, once, at Hogwarts and thereafter, and after twelve years of pain for both of them could still not imagine being with anyone else. Wow, that had to be love...  
  
So, I had been right, my Godfather was gay.  
  
No, I'm not narrow-minded or something like that, in fact, I was relieved when my voiced suspicion was affirmed one breakfast by a rather uncomfortable-looking Sirius. Guess he was afraid I'd have a problem with it.  
  
The reason I was relieved is that it makes me feel less alone. Yes, you understand this right, the famous Harry Potter, son of Lily and James Potter, The Boy Who Lived, is queer. A poof, a woolly woofter.  
  
And I desperately needed someone to talk to. Ron, I couldn't, not because I don't trust him or something, it's just... well, since he and Hermione... we're still best friends, but I don't have the same feeling I used to, perhaps because now, it's not just Ron and me, two blokes, talking about stuff, Hermione's /always/ partaking. And while I really like her, there are some things I'd rather not discuss with a girl - any girl. And of course, there's always the possibility he won't understand - after all, he's straight.  
  
Sirius giggled when I explained that to him, and at my questioning glance told me it had been just the same for him when my father and mother had started seeing each other.  
  
Then he suddenly stopped giggling, and asked me seriously, as if talking to a grownup (he's always treating me like that, as does Remus, which is one of the many reasons I so enjoy living with them).  
  
"Harry, is there anyone at Hogwarts you'd be interested in? I hope you haven't fallen for Ron..."  
  
I raised my eyebrows at this. "Ron?! No, what gives you *that* idea, we're friends."  
  
Sirius smiled. "Good."  
  
I went red, and as so often cursed my relatively fair complexion - I can mutate into a tomato at least two or three times a day quite convincingly (unfortunately, McGonagall has never graded this perfect transfiguration).  
  
"But there /is/ someone at school, isn't there?" Sirius chimed.  
  
"W-well..." I stammered, and then pulled myself together. After all, I was going to be sixteen tomorrow, and this was /Sirius/... "Well, there is, but I'm sure he's not gay and I don't even know if he likes me at all. We don't have that much in common, you know."  
  
"How do you know he's not gay then, Harry? Or, if you've seen him with girls, he might be bi..."  
  
"Oh, it's nothing like that. Actually, I haven't really ever seen him with a girl, except for the ball in fourth year... He flirts a lot, but I don't think he ever had a girlfriend, at least nothing that lasted... It's just... well, I guess I just can't imagine anyone else being like that at Hogwarts..."  
  
At this, Sirius broke into delighted laughter. "Oh, there might be more than you think. When I remember, during our time at Hogwarts..."  
  
Suddenly, the voice of Remus Lupin cut in, "Oh yes, I'd like to hear that."  
  
Sirius turned in his seat, groaning. "You're still wearing that old rag of a shirt, man, can't you dress yourself properly? There's a young boy in the house! You're a bad influence!"  
  
This was some kind of morning ritual with my two uncles ('cause that's how I regard them, it seems to fit - better than it did for Uncle Vernon, that's for sure!) Each morning, Uncle Remus would join us at the breakfast table late, wearing the same old, battered t-shirt that was so large it went to past his mid-thighs, if not quite to his knees. Each morning, Sirius would tell him off for it, and each morning, Remus would shrug and grin and ask for coffee.  
  
Remus shrugged, then, with a quite silly morning grin plastered on his face, he asked, "I hope you've left me some coffee, or I'll be right off to bed again." The smaller man's eyes widened in surprise when Sirius gave him a small, chaste kiss, then a smile lit up on his face. Upon receiving his cup o' coffee from Sirius, his grin turned broader. "Sirius, I believe you were just telling Harry something about our time at school..."  
  
Sirius shot a questioning glance at me, and, when I nodded an unspoken permission, continued. "You see, Harry, love always has a great potential of hurting you, that's the risk with anything so wonderful. And except for a few rare exceptions, you mostly won't find the right person right away. But if you never risk exposing yourself, you'll diminish your chances of finding someone who returns the feeling."  
  
I have to say, it all sounds quite logical. But...  
  
"But Sirius, what if he's disgusted at the thought, what if he spreads it all around Hogwarts, that I'm, that I'm..."  
  
Remus' eyes sparkled with understanding, and I remembered that he hadn't been present when I'd confessed about being attracted to boys (or when Sirius admitted he and Remus were lovers, for a fact, which is probably why he was so surprised at the kiss). He cleared his throat. "If I may?" he started politely - I guess he wanted to make sure he really wasn't interrupting a godfather/godson discussion. "You know, Harry, your dare-devil ex-biker and girls-heart-throb godfather over there wasn't much different when he was your age." His eyes twinkled teasingly at Sirius. "Great with the girls, a flirt if ever you've seen one, but too shy to admit he was actually more interested in boys..."  
  
"In you." My godfather added.  
  
"Well, and I didn't dare say anything, because he was always surrounded by girls, and seemed to be quite obviously straight... And there was the other issue..." his face darkened for a second, and I knew he was referring to his werewolf blood.  
  
"In the end," Sirius took off from where his lover had stopped, "it was pure coincidence that we ever got together. Actually, we have Severus Snape to thank for it, of all people." He grinned mischievously, and I could suddenly imagine a younger Sirius Black very easily. "You see, he hated all of us, James, Remus, me and... and... Peter, but he especially begrudged me, not that his grudge had been totally unfounded." A short flicker of pain moved across his face, perhaps because he'd mentioned Peter and his almost deadly prank in one sentence. "Anyway, he spread the rumour all around the school that we were a couple. I still remember Peter storming into our common room shouting 'is it true? is it true?' I'd wanted to laugh the matter off..."  
  
"As best you could, I know." Remus poured himself another cup of coffee, chuckling, then turned towards me. "So what he did was this, he took on a sort of effeminate pose, said 'of course it is, Peter, honey' in falsetto, and pulled me close for a kiss. The whole common room was cheering and bellowing, and of course from that moment on, no one believed the rumour anymore - since we could laugh about it instead of being ashamed, they reckoned Snape had just played a joke on us or something."  
  
"Yeah, even James told me he'd suspected there could be more to it until then - he knew we weren't a couple, but he seemed to have sensed the tension between us, and that there was more than friendship there..." Sirius smiled in memory. It was a somewhat sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. At first, it had been really awkward, I had wanted to hear more about my parents but didn't dare ask for the fear of causing my godfather pain, and Sirius had been afraid to hurt *me* or something by telling me about them - but eventually, scruples lessened since I told him I'd rather have some knowledge about my dead parents than not know anything about them, even *if* it pained to know I'd never have a chance to meet them - not in this life, anyway.  
  
"Well, that kiss had actually really affected me, I hadn't expected it to be such an intense feeling - I'd kissed a couple of girls before, and it hadn't really given me anything - but this was, after all, my best friend Remus, so I decided not to say anything. I mean, as far as I knew, he'd gone along with it to spite Snape and to wave the matter aside."  
  
"Which was precisely what I was thinking," Remus again took over the narrative. "After all, I knew Sirius and his look-the-devil-in-the-eyes attitude. I was absolutely positive it had meant nothing to him, and it did mean all the world to me - unlike Sirius, I'd known I was in love with him, had had a crush since the first time we met that gradually became love. Well, one evening when we were sitting at our potions homework together, after everyone else had already left for the night - it was right after the full moon, so I had some working-up to do - and I just couldn't take it anymore, especially since Sirius asked me two or three times a day which girls I liked, and if I would like to go on a double date with him and some girl or the other - it was really quite annoying. It was weeks after that kiss, the rumours had almost subsided, and there was only one month left to the summer holidays - that was our sixth year, btw, we were only a little older than you are now, Harry."  
  
The lovers exchanged a look, and I can't say for sure, but I think they were holding hands beneath the table. Then Sirius once again continued.  
  
"So this one day, I was sitting there, totally absorbed in how the effects of newt's eyeballs would change when they were pickled instead of fresh, and how you could still use them without having a fresh bunch of newts around the house at all times, when I noted Remus wasn't copying anything, wasn't even looking at the book, but instead staring at me with that odd expression I first misinterpreted as annoyance. So I asked 'What's up, Moony?' and he shrugged as if to wave it away, then changed his mind and told me 'it's nothing much, really, it's just that I've been thinking, and there's something I want to tell you..."  
  
"Gosh I remember how nervous I was at that," Remus added, eyes twinkling. "I was sure he'd laugh at me, or worse, hate me, but I couldn't keep it inside anymore, and I thought when he could accept me being a werewolf, he could perhaps accept me being gay, even if he wouldn't return my feelings for him. So I asked him if he remembered the incident with the kiss five weeks ago, and he just nodded, so I told him, with lots of stuttering and fearful glances, that I couldn't stop thinking about it, that I didn't want to loose his friendship, but could he please stop asking me about girls 'cause I really wasn't interested in them. From that evening on, we were a couple, and didn't care who thought what about us."  
  
They both smiled fondly at the memory, gazing into each other's eyes, until Sirius shook his head, still smiling.  
  
"The point is, Harry, if Remus hadn't had the guts back then to tell me how he felt, we never would have come together in the first place. I probably would have decided I was straight and would have tried to be happy with some girl - don't think I would have succeeded, but I would have tried nonetheless - and Remus..."  
  
"I'd be spending my days alone, probably, unless I'd have found another werewolf... though the general acceptance of werewolves is pretty bad already, there are those who are open-minded... but even those wouldn't want a werewolf as their lover. And women were out of the question... not only did I not feel attracted to them, I could also never father children - there's a one in four chance of a child inheriting lycanthropy if one parent is affected, a fifty percent chance if both are."  
  
"So," my godfather concluded, "I know it's hard, and perhaps that boy at Hogwarts you're interested in does fancy girls, but if you don't risk, you don't win. I for one can't imagine how life would have come out if Moony hadn't taken the chance... the thought of him, of our past, of the future we could still have if I could prove my innocence, it was the only thing that sustained me in Azkaban."  
  
We'd all finished breakfast by then, and I went into the living room to do some of the homework I'd gotten for the summer holidays, head buzzing with thoughts.  
  
Could I really tell him?  
  
How would he react?  
  
I decided to tell Ron, first, after all he was my friend, and perhaps he could help me with what to do now. I just had to catch him without Hermione...  
  
Continued in Part 2... 


	2. Diagon Alley and the Nightclub

GLANCE AND GLAMOUR IN THE DISCO LIGHTS, part 2/3  
By T'Reija (June 2002)  
  
Chapter I  
  
This year, some of us had decided to go to Diagon Alley together, and that we would leave our parents (or in my case, uncles) behind, either in the Leaky Cauldron or with younger siblings. Every one of the grownups agreed, except for Neville's grandmother, who seemed to fear Neville (or parts of him) would get lost (personally, I can understand her, though I felt sorry for Neville...)  
  
So in the end, I met up with Ron, Hermione, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas and his new girlfriend Mandy Brocklehurst from Ravenclaw. The only one missing from our dormitory was Neville, and we soon found him and his grandmother in front of Flourish and Blotts, where Seamus miraculously persuaded her to let him come with us - sometimes, you just have to admire that nimble Irish tongue.  
  
We all got our new school stuff first - a pile of new books, a new set of robes for those who'd grown out of theirs, Neville got a new set of glass phials since he'd broken his last year, a deck of tarot cards for this year's Divination (Professor Trelawney insists that the sight comes easier if you use your own). Hermione had to ask Ron to help her carry her stuff - she still is the student with the most subjects in all of Hogwarts, I guess some things never change.  
  
We were light-headed that fabulous day in Diagon Alley, the thirty-first of July - my sixteenth birthday. I was the youngest of us, and now that even I was sixteen at last, we were all allowed to have a beer or wine legally, and some wizard nightclubs were open to sixteen year-olds with adult supervision, so we'd asked our respective guardians for an evening off together, and, with Sirius as our 'watchdog', went to a club together. Neville wasn't allowed, but we promised him we'd go out again once we were back at Hogwart's - there was a discotheque in Hogsmeade Fred and George had been talking about - and he wished us fun.  
  
The club was ace, there's no other word for it. They played some of my favourite bands, too, like The Weird Sisters and Merlin's Beard, along with some Muggle music I didn't know too well since I'd never had much access to the radio or the TV set with the Dursleys and our radio at home only got the wizard stations; and soon all of us were assembled on the dance floor - even Sirius. Seamus, Dean and Mandy, who had never seen my Godfather except in the newspapers thought he was pretty cool, which he *was* generally, and especially that evening (he'd decided to wear his old biker clothes).  
  
At one point, I was too exhausted to dance, and had a beer at the bar where I met Mandy, equally flushed and smoking a cigarette. I didn't know her too well, but she'd seemed nice earlier that day in Diagon Alley, and I enjoyed the company.  
  
"Hey there," she smiled after a drag from her cigarette, and offered me one which I put behind my ear - I don't usually smoke. "Bollocks, I'm not gonna hold out much longer. Can't keep up with Dean's dancing for the life of me." Mandy was a little overweight, and Dean's dancing style was very extravagant, so I could understand this.  
  
I looked to the floor, where Dean and Seamus were fooling around, trying to waltz to a fast rock song in imitation to Ron and Hermione's slow dancing. For some reason this gave a stab of jealousy to my heart - I would never, never be so comfortable with any boy in public, even if it was only mockingly with them.  
  
"Gosh, look at them," Mandy grinned from ear to ear. "They can be such kids at times." Seamus and Dean had stopped the waltzing but were still dancing opposite to each other, casting dirty looks and leers and swinging their hips at each other as if they were a couple.  
  
"Don't... don't you mind at all," I think I stammered, not able to take my eyes off the two boys on the dance floor.  
  
"Lords, no," she laughed good-naturedly. "Why should I? Dean's my boyfriend, and we trust each other, and Seam's his   
  
best friend. I know there's nothing behind it, so there's no need to feel jealous. Besides, I'm grateful if Dean's occupied. Gives me enough time for a cigarette or two and a bitter."  
  
When I finished my beer, I left Mandy behind at the bar and joined the others dancing again, trying to ignore the wink Sirius gave me. Darn, he'd probably looked right through me.  
  
Dean and Seamus were still dancing very closely (and very, very sexily - darn, did I really think that?), and I decided to ignore them pretty much, least I got caught staring. So I was sort of dancing alone at the other end of the dance floor, my back to the mock-couple, when suddenly, I felt someone tip on my shoulder. Dreading the worst, I turned around.  
  
Relieved, I noticed it was only Mandy. She smiled at me sweetly, which I thought was rather cute - not in a way that attracted me, but in a way that made me think she was probably perfect for Dean.  
  
"Hey - fancy dancing?" she grinned, indicating that her boyfriend was still otherwise occupied with a nod of her head.  
  
I noticed that the music had become somewhat softer, not really love-songs, but something suited for partner-dancing anyhow. "Sure," I replied, loosely fitting one hand around Mandy's waist.  
  
Dancing with her was pleasant, there's no other word for it. She was quite a dancer actually, with a good feeling for rhythm, and touching her was nice and familiar - somewhat like dancing with your sister, I reckoned, though I'd never had one. Or perhaps with Hermione (if Ron wouldn't burst into fits of jealousy, that is...) Despite her slight overweight, she was also quite pretty - fair skin slightly tanned from the summer sun, sparkling chestnut-coloured eyes, her hair the colour of mahogany wood. Yes, Dean was definitely lucky to have found her.  
  
Then the song ended, and as we parted, I looked right into the smug face of Dean Thomas.  
  
"Hey, Potter, mind if I claim my girlfriend back?" Spoken light-heartedly - though Dean and I hadn't too much in common, we'd always come along rather well, and though he didn't know about me being gay (after all, I'd just told Sirius and Remus), he knew there was no danger from me towards Mandy.  
  
"Sure," I grinned, stepping back. "Wouldn't want to monopolise her. Though if you want some free advice from me, try laying low on the extravagant part and dance a little more traditional - she's really good at that."  
  
Sticking his tongue out, Dean swept Mandy off to the far end of the dance floor.  
  
"Harry?" Bollocks. I knew just who *that* voice belonged to. "Care to dance?" My suspicions were proven correct as I twisted around and found myself nose-to-nose with Seamus Finnigan. Wearing a grin that was probably forbidden by law in several countries.  
  
"Uh... Seamus..."  
  
Noting my obvious discomfort at the thought of dancing with another guy, he reacted in a totally Seamus way. He pinched me.  
  
"Come o-on," he mock-whined. "It'll be fun! Ask Dean, if you don't trust me!"  
  
"I'd rather not..." nervously, I searched for a way of retreat. Ron... nope, doing some kind of dangerous looking body-twist with Hermione. Sirius? Argh, no help there - my dear godfather was waving at me impatiently to accept the offer - though he couldn't have heard, Seamus body language was always quite revealing. *And* he was sticking his tongue out at me, much like Dean had before, when I tried to shoot him puppy's eyes. Hm. Should have known those wouldn't work on good old Padfoot.  
  
Directing my gaze back to Seamus I noticed he wasn't feeling rebuffed at all - to the contrary. As was way with Seamus, any kind of resistance only served as fuel for him. He had that dangerous 'I'll answer the challenge and persuade you one way or the other' gleam in his eyes.  
  
"What if... what if people start looking funny?" I tried in a last, futile attempt.  
  
"Codswallops, who gives a lark's bladder? Anyway, who's supposed to look, all those couples wrapped up in each other?"  
  
I shrugged, even more uncomfortable. "Seamus... sod off, will you? Look, I'm really not comfor..."  
  
It was then I noticed Seamus had really skipped off. Not believing my luck (or bad luck, a persistent voice in my head tried to tell me), I looked back at Sirius, fully awaiting a roll of the eyes from my shameless uncle - and was greeted by a sight I had least of all expected.  
  
Sirius was still there, wearing in his tight black leather pants, his "Hard Rock Cafe Hogsmeade" T-shirt and a sexy grin - and dancing with Seamus, who shot me a teasing look.  
  
I gulped, thanks to the loud music *not* audibly. Despite the age difference, and the extreme difference in height - my godfather was rather tall, while Seamus was almost half a head shorter than me, even - they looked (as reluctant I was to admit this) downright *hot* together. Which, by the way, wasn't helped by the fact that Seamus was wearing equally tight muggle blue jeans, having put away the robes for this evening, and a tight black Tee with "Rock Bitch" written on it in large, white letters. Or by the deep, sexy looks the two of them shared once in a while.  
  
I was very, very glad I'd decided on wearing robes despite Remus offer to lend me the leather pants Sirius had bought him years ago for when they'd went on a longer motorcycle trip together. Otherwise, *someone* - that being Seamus, or Sirius, or basically anyone I knew - would have been able to spot my shameful arousal at the sight.  
  
Trying to appear as nonchalant and with as much dignity as I could yet muster, I hastily made my retreat towards the bar. But try as I might, I could not tear my eyes away from the two of them on the dance floor. Ordering another beer and lighting the fag Mandy had offered me earlier on, I tried not to squirm in my seat. Honestly, getting aroused at the sight of Seamus, my classmate, and my own damn *godfather* - however sexy they looked - was downright embarrassing. After all, Sirius was the closest thing I had to a father figure!  
  
I took a large swig from my bitter (with the exception of butterbeer - which they didn't serve here - wizard beer could just not compete against the muggle brands, at least not if you really *wanted* to get drunk) and another drag from the cigarette, inwardly daring Sirius to show authoritarian signs of disapproval at this. However, my dear uncle was far to busy shooting me mocking looks - at this moment, I had no problems whatsoever picturing him as the dare-devil Remus tended to describe his younger self as.  
  
Time seemed to creep by endlessly slow as the music continued, and dance after dance Sirius and Seamus continued to sweep elegantly and so god-darn sexily over the floor, each contemplating the other's moves, each focused only on the other - and, occasionally, on me.  
  
I then made a decision. I would surely kill Sirius.  
  
Trying to cool my still persistent half-erection, I focused on other people. Ron and Hermione, out of breath from dancing almost all evening, sitting at one of the tables and sharing a lager. Dean Thomas, dancing alone again as Mandy decided to take another break. Other, unknown people, dancing, talking or snogging in a corner. The barmaid, tending to the customers swiftly and professionally, occasionally smiling at one person or the other, probably those who came here frequently. But time and time again, my gaze wandered off again to the couple on the dance floor, moving so easily together, not caring about the occasional curious looks from people around them.  
  
"Wow," a voice next to me suddenly breathed - Mandy again, pausing to light another cigarette. "They do look hot together, don't they?"  
  
Silently, I agreed.  
  
"You know, I really envy you your godfather. My dad's alright, I suppose, but he'd never take me out to a discotheque, let alone pull such a stunt. Or wear clothes like that." She laughed. "If he weren't that much older, and if it weren't for Dean, I'd make a pass at him myself." She was joking, of course, but she did have a point. "And Seam... never thought he'd had it in him. Sure, he's sexy enough, but I didn't know he could *dance* like that. But it's so like him to ask Sirius to dance, isn't it? I'd never have the guts for that!"  
  
I nodded, somewhat relieved to have someone to talk to - this providing a good reason to tear my eyes off the dance floor.  
  
"Hey - should I start getting jealous?" Dean, finally a little out of breath himself, joined us, taking a huge gulp from my beer. He and Mandy smiled at each other, then burst out laughing.  
  
"Naa," she answered, shaking her head, still chuckling. "Though, as I just remarked to Harry, it's hot, the way they dance. Don't you agree?"  
  
Dean smiled gently. "Well... yeah," he reluctantly admitted.  
  
"Maybe *I* should start getting jealous?" Mandy teased.  
  
My classmate laughed. "I wouldn't go *that* far... though I have to say I'd probably jump Seamus right now if I were at all interested in blokes." Once more, he liberated my beer. "By the way, haven't seen you dancing at all in a while, Harry."  
  
I suddenly found the floor very interesting indeed. "Well..."  
  
"You should be having some fun, like the rest of us - don't know when we'll be able to go out like this again."  
  
"Um." I gulped. "I'm, er, not much of a dancer, really."  
  
"Well, not everyone can be like Seamus, right? Besides, I don't think anyone pays much attention to how good anyone dances here - and you're not that bad. Ah, well, I'm off again - join me, Mandy?"  
  
The Ravenclaw shook her head vehemently. "No. You go off and have some fun on the dance floor, but I'm staying right here for at least another fifteen minutes. Gawd, didn't know I would hook up with such a bundle of energy when we started dating!"  
  
As soon as Dean had scurried off, she focused her attention towards me again. "Though he does have a point - don't tell him I said that, please. You *should* be having some fun here." She paused for a moment, obviously thinking. "Or are *you* jealous?"  
  
I spluttered. "What... what makes you think that?"  
  
"Oh, I'm quite observant, sometimes, and you're attention's been on Seamus and your godfather non-stop since they started dancing - besides, you've been eluding the subject ever since I started talking to you."  
  
"Um..." was my eloquent response.  
  
"You know, personally, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed about. Kissed a girl myself, before I started seeing Dean. And I don't think too many people really care - I mean, honestly, in a world full of banshees and hags and giants and wizards, how strange can two guys together be? A second cousin of mine's married to a muggle - his wife had a hard time believing that people could fly on broomsticks or send each other letters by owl. And even she didn't care when my brother came out."  
  
"You're brother's gay?"  
  
"Sure," she smiled. "And as I said, most people don't give codswallops about it."  
  
"But..." I continued, not quite sure whether I should be grateful to have found someone I could talk to or be disconcerted about the fact that she'd figured me out that easily, "it's not *normal*, is it? I don't mean that it's wrong, but... I mean, it must be really hard to find someone who's like you, who's... well... who's gay, too. And who's interested in you."  
  
"Well, it's not easy if you're het. Or if you fall in love with someone from a different house and they don't even know you exist. Or if the other's a muggle. I dare say people have a harder time coming over *that* than they have adjusting to a gay couple. I say you should just go over to him when the next song starts and ask him to dance. Nothing to loose, and it's not like you're asking him to marry you."  
  
And with that, Mandy unceremoniously shoved me off my chair and pushed me in the general direction of the dance floor. Red-headed and shooting her a death-glare, I made my way towards Sirius and Seamus.  
  
***  
  
When I arrived at their end of the dance floor, they were already both looking at me with an air of expectancy. Sirius cleared his throat, regarded me with a 'don't you dare fuck this up' look and said: "Well, thanks for asking me to dance, Seamus - it's certainly been awhile since I've had so much fun at a discotheque. But I'd better be doing some of my watchdog duties, now - by the way, I haven't seen Ron and Hermione around in some time, have you?"  
  
I managed a tiny smile. "No, but they're probably off snogging someplace."  
  
"Ah, well..." Sirius winked at me, "I'd better be looking for them. Um, have fun?"  
  
This said, my godfather was off, smiling happily. I simply stood there, facing a very smug Seamus Finnigan, his arms crossed in front of his chest.  
  
"Um," I choked, not able to get out the words I wanted to say. Seamus, obviously, was set on waiting - well, after all, he'd asked me before. "Er... Seamus? Um. Does... Would you, er, still care to dance?"  
  
Seamus smiled brightly in victory. "Sure, Har'."  
  
And we danced - a little awkwardly at first, since I was unsure of how close I could allow myself to get to him, but clearly together. From the bar, I could see Mandy wink at me with a grin. Gradually, I dared to enhance the intimacy, and when the fast rock music changed to medium speed pop and Seamus put a hand around my waist, I didn't pull back, craving the touch, allowing myself to be pulled close to him, allowing myself to feel his hips joined to mine, a touch more intimate than I had ever felt before, with anyone.  
  
And Seamus' stormy grey eyes, fixed upon me, never faltering, never focusing on anything but me, as if in that moment, Seamus' world was made up of Harry - and Harry's world was most definitely made up of Seamus.  
  
The evening had almost reached its conclusion, and soon, alto soon, the DJ put on the last song - a slow one by a witch who published her music in the muggle world.  
  
Seamus' body moved in close to mine and I was taken aback for a moment of the heat of almost full body contact with the boy I had secretly loved for more than a year - he put his arms around me, and our faces were so close, close enough to kiss... I could feel Seamus' warm breath on my own skin...  
  
//Mm-mmm-mm... if I could melt your heart...//  
  
//Mm-mmm-mm... We'd never be apart...//  
  
My heart fluttered as I once more gazed into Seamus eyes, so full of life, so full of passion, passion that was, if only for the duration of one single song, directed at *me*.  
  
//Mm-mmm-mm...// Madonna sang from the speakers, and Seamus opened his mouth slightly, "Give yourself to me..." he sang along with the song, still looking at me...  
  
"Mm-mmm-mm... You hold the key..."  
  
As the song concluded Seamus softly urged me in the direction of one of the high-set tables that framed the dance floor, not breaking contact as the music ended, his face so unbearably close to mine... my arms seemed to involuntarily tighten around his body... my back firmly against the table with no means of retreat... But I didn't want to retreat... though I knew that Ron and Hermione and Dean and Sirius and Mandy were around, could see me like this, yielding, begging for his touch...  
  
Then all those thoughts evaporated as I felt Seamus' lips on my own, soft and warm and moist and salty with slight perspiration. My eyes closed, there was nothing around me, no discotheque with its bright lights, no people, hustling to get their cloaks and jackets and bags, no one but Seamus, one hand still encircling my waist, one now around my neck, his body so close to mine, the soft touch of his lips, his sweet tongue, hesitantly seeking entrance as my lips parted of their own volition, touching the tip of my own, his teeth slightly scraping my bottom lip as our kiss deepened...  
  
All too soon, it was over, I felt a sudden emptiness as we parted. Seamus regarded me, panting slightly, then, after a final flash of a bright smile, he was off, skipping to the entrance where his mother was, as I knew, waiting to pick him up.  
  
Unable to move I waited for Sirius to pick me up after making sure the others were either picked up or brought home by the book-in-advance portkey service the disco provided. Soon enough, my godfather returned to get me, grinning broadly.  
  
Seamus... I had kissed Seamus Finnigan, and, more importantly, Seamus had kissed *me*, had initiated it...  
  
I was in seventh heaven.  
  
Continued in Part 3... 


	3. Back at Home

GLANCE AND GLAMOUR IN THE DISCO LIGHTS, part 3/3  
By T'Reija (June 2002)  
  
Chapter II  
  
Soon enough, though, the feeling changed.  
  
I knew I had to be an awful nuisance to Sirius and Remus, hanging around at home all week, doing nothing much but staring out of the window or into open space. Sometimes I tried to get some work done for school, but usually I gave up on it while scribing meaningless lines and circles on my empty parchments. Not even Quidditch practice with Sirius (who, in his time at Hogwart's, had been a pretty good beater) managed to cheer me up, and eventually, after a couple of fruitless attempts on my godfathers side to talk to me, he gave up, throwing his hands over his head in frustration.  
  
The dance - and the kiss thereafter - had been so wonderful, better than I'd ever dared imagine even in my wildest dreams, but as soon as the dawn of the next day had arrived the feeling of light-heartiness had been replaced by worries and fears. I hadn't heard from Ron or Hermione all week, and I was wondering what they thought of me now. Were they appalled by the fact that their best friend was gay?  
  
And what about Seamus? It had probably just been a joke to him, or a spur-of-the-moment thing... how was I to ever talk to him again? How could I ever go on as before, having felt the magic of his touch, yet knowing it would never happen again? Could we ever be friends again when what I wanted, craved, was so much more than that?  
  
One week had passed like this, and in less than a month I would leave for Hogwarts, forced to meet all of them, including Seamus, again.  
  
Then Monday morning arrived. My uncles were already engrossed in their breakfast when I descended the stairs to join them and didn't hear me approaching.  
  
"... have to remember what it was like when we were that age," Remus was just saying in a soft voice.  
  
"I know," Sirius answered, "but I just wish I could help him in any way. I mean, I don't know what's *wrong* with him. He obviously likes that boy, what was his name again, *Seamus*, and from the look of it, the feeling's mutual. So why does he slope around the house looking like Christmas had been cancelled and Snape had been made headmaster all in one day?"  
  
Remus chuckled. "Urgh, stop it, you're giving me nightmares! After all, I'll be *working* at that school again in four weeks time! But seriously, I think Harry just needs some time, one way or the other. Sounds like he's in for a handful if things work out with the Finnigan boy. Whirlwind if ever I've met one. And honestly, to ask you to dance like that just to challenge Harry! Na, even if our dear nephew decides to play brain-dead, I think Seamus'll wash his head properly."  
  
I decided to sneak up the stairway again and thunder down so that my uncles would have to hear me approaching, but mid-way up the stairs, I heard the chime of the doorbell, and nosy-body that I sometimes am I wanted to hear who would visit at such an early time in the morning (never mind it was almost eleven...).  
  
"I'll get it," I heard Remus say, then soon thereafter the sound of the front door opening despite Sirius' protesting "Not while you're still wearing that *shirt*..."  
  
"Hi, Seamus..."  
  
Oh no, oh no, oh no...  
  
"Hi, er... Professor?... um... er... nice shirt. Um. I came to see Harry?" The unmistakable voice of Seamus Finnigan.  
  
"Ah, well, do come in. I'm afraid Harry's not up yet, but if you'd like to have a late breakfast?"  
  
I scurried up the stairs as fast as was possible without alerting anyone downstairs of my presence. Some quick thinking was in order. Hm... I could grab my broomstick and fly out of the window... darn, I had left it downstairs after Quidditch practice...  
  
Resignedly, I put on my clothes - and just at the right moment, because seconds later, my godfather stormed into the room.  
  
"Hey, sleepyhead, time to... oh, you're awake. Guess who's here?" And quite unceremoniously he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the kitchen, almost making me stumble on the stairs. I love my godfather, but sometimes, he can be a little... too energetic.  
  
"Hi, Harry... um, I hope he didn't wake you?" Seamus sat there, in our kitchen, grinning smugly as hell.  
  
"S... Seamus? What... er... what are you doing here?"  
  
"Well, you didn't answer my owl, so I thought...?"  
  
At this, I shot a questioning glance in the general direction of my uncles. Remus, a little red-faced, got up to scoop through a large pile of letters, newspapers and such that was stacked next to the fireplace.  
  
"Um. Wouldn't be this letter, would it?" He handed me a scroll. I shot him a death glare. "Well, you *know* that the bills arrive this time of the month... and it *does* have a company stamp..."  
  
Seamus grinned. "Ooops. Run out of parchment, so I borrowed from my Mum? Ah, not exactly a company, by the way, it's the 'community of independent witches'. Um. She's really into the seventies and the witches' liberation front? Burning bras and stuff like that."  
  
Remus was, by now, trying to suppress a soft chuckle that crept up his throat, while Sirius was laughing without even trying to hide it.  
  
"You mean," my dear godfather spluttered out at his partner in crime, "we had to endure Harry in a foul mood all week for nothing?"  
  
The pair of them were now seriously (or, in case of my godfather, siriusly) laughing, not even noticing my repeated death glares. By power of my will, I turned to face Seamus. "Want to see my room?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Ignoring the wolf-whistles my shameless uncles emitted, I lead Seamus up the stairs to my own room, locking the door behind me. "Security measures," I earnestly told Seamus. "One of those two will certainly remember I haven't had breakfast and be so forthcoming as to bring me some."  
  
"Don't parents always," Seamus sighed. "Sorry for disrupting your breakfast, though."  
  
"Don't worry about it. It was Sirius turn to magic-cook the eggs anyway - he never gets them right. Yolk's never runny. Not to mention that once, a live bird crawled out of one. Needless to say I didn't *eat* it."  
  
My classmate chuckled at this. "Sounds like mum's cooking at home."  
  
With the small talk done, an awkward moment settled between us. Shifting in my seat, I didn't really know what to say. Lucky for me, Seamus was never one to stay silent for more than half a minute - at most.  
  
"Hey, Harry. Um. You don't mind me being here, do you?"  
  
"Not at all, I mean, um, no."  
  
He actually seemed relieved at this. "I was kinda worried... I wrote that letter to you, and you never answered, so I was thinking I'd, I dunno, overstepped some boundaries or something, the other night..."  
  
I shifted again. If only he knew how disrupted I'd been all week... "So, what did the letter say?"  
  
Seamus actually diverted his eyes to the floor - nervous Seamus had to be a first! - then stuttered: "Well... um. I... I don't really know what came over me at the disco..."  
  
So, there. He wasn't interested in me. Just a spur of the moment thing after all.  
  
"I... I mean, I know why I... you know... but..." He took a deep breath, then concluded in one long sentence "and I know you kissed me back but I don't know whether you feel uncomfortable with it in retrospect so if you don't like me that way I hope we can still be friends."  
  
I gaped at him, mouth opened wide. And gaped some more. "Do you... you mean *you* like *me* that way?"  
  
Seamus gave me a mocking half-smile. "Duh. Thought kissing someone usually means that you like them. Have to read up on that in Mum's 'Guidelines to love' - though it's a little too political for my taste. Very female-orientated stuff, that."  
  
I couldn't believe my luck. More than a year of biting my own nails over Seamus, and now he just told me he liked me. Why does everything come so easily to him?  
  
"So," he concluded, suddenly unusually earnest, "do you?"  
  
Eyes wide, I tried to say something, but my throat refused to work, so I merely nodded. "Yes?" I finally choked out, still waiting for the alarm to sound and wake me out of my dreams.  
  
A huge smile suddenly illuminated Seamus' features - he actually seemed relieved. "Wow... hey that's great! You can't believe how nervous I was this last week - I got on Mum's nerves so much that she finally made me come here! Practically threw me out of the house, refusing to let me back in unless I talk to you."  
  
"Your parents know?" I'd only told Sirius and Remus a week ago, and had been nervous as hell despite their relationship. Seamus made it sound like something natural.  
  
"Well, yeah - at least, Mum knows. I don't really see my Dad all that often, him being muggle and everything. And they got a divorce when I was, like, five years old or something. But I tell Mum almost everything - the things I don't tell her, she figures out for herself anyway, which can be really unnerving."  
  
Silence settled between us again, but this time, it wasn't quite as nervous as before. Gradually, Seamus edged closer to me on the bed.  
  
"Um, Har', mind if I kiss you?"  
  
"Not at..."  
  
Before I could finish the sentence, I could feel his lips on mine once more, his hand loosely on my shoulder...  
  
Then, just I was seriously loosing myself in his touch, we were interrupted by a knock on the door and Sirius' voice.  
  
"Hey you two..." I groaned, shooting Seamus the 'I told you' glance. "Just wanted to tell you we're going shopping. Won't be back for an hour or two. Breakfast's still on the table. Have fun."  
  
Seamus shook his head with silent laughter. "I honestly think that parents do have some sort of radar. At least, he's taking it well. I mean, my Mum's cool about things, but most parents wouldn't be, or so I was told. Dean and Mandy have a real hard time, and they're not even. Well."  
  
"Gay?" I managed, a statement as much as it was a question.  
  
"Well, yeah. Though I guess that's not much of a problem with your folks, huh?"  
  
I chuckled. "Not really. Though sometimes I think Sirius is just a little too 'cool'. Honestly, that stunt at the dance - I still can't believe you did that!"  
  
"Well, I had to persuade you, and I think I did quite a good job at that!"  
  
"That you did," I concluded, still wondering at how easy things had been. I couldn't really believe it - Seamus Finnigan, whom I'd secretly been in love with, here, in my room, on my bed, telling me he liked me, implying...  
  
"So... um," I dared, hoping that my impression was right, "so this makes me. Um. Your boyfriend?"  
  
Seamus shot me a glance that slightly reminded me of Sirius. "That was the general idea, yes. Unless, of course, you have any objections?"  
  
Then the conversation made way for something much more pleasant - Seamus' mouth on mine, gentle and sweet and more than I'd even dared to dream about.  
  
The End. 


End file.
